Self Help

Solution-Focused Life

If you are getting stuck in life, and feel you need something to happen in order to move on, you might find it interesting to read this post.And even if you feel your life is great, then read this post anyway, as it might enable you to help others better!

We all find obstacles and obstructions when moving towards what we want (or most of the time, what we think we want). However, we can only act on life as we see it, and follow our dreams as we perceive them.

When you find yourself stuck it simply means you got into the “wrong alley”, you can always get back and keep on going, find other ways of doing what you need to do in order to get closer to your dream.The idea that there are no failures, but only feedback, has helped a lot of people. Defining it as feedback helps you to overcome the psychological lethargy that comes as a result of not seeing the results you wished.

This happens to all of us at different times of our lives. In the moments of transition this is especially true! but focusing on problems doesn’t create solution, while stretching gently the mind in a way that will open new doors will put you in tune with new solutions.

When that is needed, here is a list that you might refer to in order to gain a positive mind-set that will focus you on solutions instead of problems.

REDEFINE YOUR GOALFirst of all you need to go back to your goal and redefine it. Your goal has probably changed in little details and nuances as you move on. In fact our own intuition always shows us what our next step is about, but as soon as that step is taken new necessities comes into play. It is important to redefine your goal often, until you find the joy and enthusiasm you had at the beginning.Make it clear, and have to courage to state it out loud, and see how you are feeling. Sometimes we are uncomfortable with what we want to achieve, and if you find uneasy to state your goal out load in a clear way, if you find some resistance in your mind, you  must learn to accept your goal, love it, and know that it is your right to achieve it (if that doesn’t hurt anyone, including you).

DECIDE YOUR CHANGEThen check back into your reality. What is it that you would like to change? You can ask yourself questions like, what put me in the direction that led me here (where you didn0t want to go)? Have a look at where you are at and what changes would be necessary to get where you want to go.If you realize that there is too much to do, you might just want to do the next thing, and let the rest be done as you go along. Even then, you will find it necessary to redefine again the goal once more and see what needs to be done. The mind is an amplifier, it thinks there is too much to do, it thinks problems are huge, but that happens only because you find yourself in the middle of it. As you realize that things only appear to be in such a way, but it is not necessarily as they are, then you know that the next step is what is required, and what it will be required in the future too.Also consider that, most probably, as you start taking action towards your new change your condition will be different than what it is now, therefore your need to re-evaluate.Deciding your change is important. You are bringing your goal, and life, back into a greater balance. You are moving a little closer to your dream.

YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEMYou are not the problem, but you have the problem.The problem is not your identity, the problem is something you came across.

ASK YOUR MEMORY FOR HELPBring yourself back in time, and remember how wonderfully you have coped in the past. Those same resources are within you now, and you will find ways of applying them to the task at hand.

CLARIFYIt would be good to bring clarity on the main issues you might have, so you can first balance them and then move freely towards your dream.Fixing issues sometimes includes other people. If that’s the case, remember that you can only fix the issues upon which you have control. Some aspects of your issues might under the control of someone else, and in that case there’s not much you can do. Move in the realm that you can control.Again, as I have always stated, we are not alone, we have a great power within us, and the help of something much greater than we can imagine. Ask constistently for the help of the Universe and you will find it aazing to see how things starts gently falling into place.

STRENGTHSMake a list of your strengths, and use those to move further. Take some time to perceive them and do it until you feel you can use them.

RESOURCESLook around you and ask yourself: what resources do I have right now to get closer to my dream? Use them (again if that involves other people, remember that certain things aren’t in your control). Most of the time we have lots of “equipment” we can use, and we think we need more as an excuse for not wanting, or lacking the courage, to face our issues. Get over it, move on.Remember to use your inner resources too, your strengths.

In ConclusionIn other words, instead of dwelling on the problem, look for solution, get into that mindset, reassess your strengths and redefine your goal. There is always a better way of doing somehting and know that you may need to try different solutions before getting to the right one.Use all the inner and outer resources available to move on to the next step. Remember to use Unversal compassion as another important resource.Finally know that you can do it. You have coped with your life brilliantly until now, and most of the problems you had 1 year ago have now completely disappeared.

Joy to you allVincent Sandee

You can visit Vincent’s website at and sign up for his Mystical Lessons at

Is Stress The Main Cause Of Low Libido In Women

Low libido problem in women is increasingly becoming a common occurring mainly due to the changing living conditions. In this article let us find out why women suddenly loose sexual desire and some natural ways through which she can regain her sexual vigor. Causes Of Low Libido While there could be a lot of factors that could lead to low libido but generally the main factors are stress, emotional factors, lack of proper diet and inadequate sleep. How To Overcome It If you are suffering from lack of sexual desire there is no need to worry as introducing some simple changes in your daily lifestyle can easily help you in overcoming this problem. Let us lay down some of the things you can do- 1. Make sure you give your body minimum 7 to 8 hours of sleep so that it can recover from the stress and strain it has gone through in the day. Sleep will help in making the body relax and feel rejuvenated thereby helping in increasing sexual desire. 2. Try to eat your meals on time and have home cooked food as often as possible and include foods like carrots and green vegetables in your diet as they are rich in estrogen content which is a vital female sexual hormone. 3. Keep your body hydrated by drinking water whenever your body needs it. 4. Take herbal medicines like nymphomax or femvigor which contain herbs that naturally boost libido without causing any side effects. 5. Start exercising as it helps in releasing mood enhancing hormones as well as it helps in increased blood flow to the sexual organs hence helping in creating a desire for sex.

Emotional Eating: 5 Tips To Overcome It

Do you suffer from emotional overeating? Does the following ring a bell? Do you eat when you are upset, angry, stressed, etc. even when not hungry? Do you sometimes hide food from your friends and family and eat it when you are alone. Do you sometimes eat when you are not aware of it and often feel guilty and ashamed after eating? If the above questions seem all too familiar then you probably to have an emotional or binge eating problem. All hope is not lost – as the title of this article suggests, you can overcome it. Read on!


The first step to overcoming any addiction is to recognize that you have a problem and to take responsibility for it. Next, keep a food journal to see what triggers your binging/overeating. Write down as much detail as possible – where you were, what you ate, what time it was, what you were feeling, etc. Review your journal and you will soon work out what triggers an episode and can then try to avoid it.


You’ve had a bad day, and you feel like you want to clean out your cupboards and the sweet/biscuit/snack isle at the local shop by way of your stomach? We often overeat/binge to avoid feeling stressed, unhappy, angry, lonely or if we are trying to avoid thinking of a problem. Resist the urge by grabbing your trusty journal and write down what you are feeling and what is upsetting you. Is it a problem you can solve or something that you can’t do anything about? If there is something you can do, what is it? If you can express and acknowledge these feeling out in the open, you won’t need to try and make them go away by losing yourself in food.If you don’t feel up to facing your feelings just yet – try making a list (well before your binge meltdown) of other activities that you enjoy and then engaging in one of these activities until the urge to binge retreats.


Keep you blood sugar level. Don’t skip meals as you then tend to overcompensate later by eating a lot of the wrong stuff. Instead try to eat several (6 – 8) small meals a day. Try to include protein, fat and fiber as they help you feel fuller for longer and also keeps your blood sugar levels, um, level. To provide the protein and (good) fats you can include, for instance, nuts (raw nuts are best), seeds, avocado,low fat cheese, olive or flax seed oil To provide fiber, try to include bran, fruits (especially apples and pears), vegetables, wholewheat bread, nuts and seeds, etc. Try to avoid too much sugar or refined carbohydrates (e.g. white bread, rice or pasta) as these will give you a nice high followed, shortly after by a very nasty low, which will again lead you to crave everything in sight and within reach. If you eat several small meals a day as described above, there is no harm in having a sweet treat occasionally. I found it helpful to buy chocolate or other treats in small sizes and one treat at a time (if you buy a whole bag of small portion treats, you will soon have an empty bag and several wrappers littering the floor, and no memory of where the treats went- so buying one treat at a time is best). You can then have your treat guilt free and really enjoy it. Amazingly enough (in my personal experience), just knowing that you have a treat stashed away, which you can have guilt free, will also tremendously reduce your craving for it.


Try to get more active, even if just two or three times a week. Exercise improves your self-esteem, self confidence and sense of well-being. Regular activity may also reduce depression and anxiety and improve your mood. Start slow – but do it on a regular basis. Set small goals for yourself that are easy to attain, like going for a walk twice a week. The feeling of accomplishment when you attain your goal at the end of the week will inspire you to continue with your lifestyle change. It will help you take your power back over your life and over food.


If you do slip up and have a binge, don’t throw your hands up in the air and say “I knew I couldn’t do it!”. We all have our bad days, but if you persevere, your new way of eating and dealing with your emotions will become a habit and the binge’ will become a thing of the past. Be kind to yourself – don’t put yourself under too much pressure to be perfect. Remember, you are trying to make a lifestyle change, not just attempt another temporary, demoralizing, certain to fail diet. Don’t just focus on trying to lose weight – think of it as a great byproduct to eating healthier and improving your fitness and overall mental health. Try to stay positive – it helps if you have a friend or family member who you can talk to and who can keep the compliments coming once the new you starts to emerge! If you can keep it up for 4 weeks, you will have formed new, healthier habits and will have finally escaped the vicious circle of emotional eating you were in before.

And lastly if you don’t want to do it alone give me a call to discuss how coaching can help you to get under the radar of your unconscious and give you the unconditional loving support you so deserve.

Focused and Effective Coaching

I read a couple of books lately that have really inspired me. One is The Jackrabbit Factor by Leslie Householder. This is a great story about a guy who is depressed about his life as he is dealing with the very common, difficult situations we all experience at some point. He finds himself in a strange sort of dreamland where people are scrambling around in what appears to be the “rat race” of life, trying to collect little brown paper bags filled with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then the main character observes the people who are “successful” and sees that they are carrying rabbits and not sandwiches. He goes through the rest of his little journey learning how to catch rabbits and – even better – how to attract them so they jump right into his lap.

Yeah, it seemed a little silly to me too, which is why I think I liked the book. The author took everyday challenges and turned them into unrelated set of analogies. PB&J sandwiches in a brown paper bag were the equivalent of the “thing” we chase every day in order to feel successful, and the rabbits symbolized the real prize of success.

What was the importance of The Jackrabbit Factor to me?

The simple message reminded me to focus on attracting what I really want. Opportunities are all around, and I have to be in a mindset of attraction. I have to focus on seeing what is possible, believing that whatever it is I want can happen, and then taking the actions that are appropriate for the task be easy and effortless. Also, I was reminded of the importance of being clear and specific in what I want. The clearer and more specific I am, the easier it is to determine the appropriate actions.

It’s funny, really, the way we get so set in our programming that says, “I have to work hard,” or “success doesn’t come easily,” when all around us there is overwhelming evidence that hard work and success aren’t always linked together. I mean, there are a lot of people who work hard and they’re not wealthy. Of course, there is a great argument for working hard, but really it’s about working smart: doing the right things, not just anything. I really do see that for those people who have hit the jackpot of success, the reality is they love what they do. They put in a lot of hours (aka: hard work), but they are filled with passion about the work they are doing. That seems less like work and more like dedication to me.

I guess the big lesson that I took away from this book is that it’s all in the mindset, and mindset builds momentum, either positive or negative. Have a negative mindset and the negativity builds up. Have a positive mindset and the positive results accumulate. If I’m expecting rabbits to be impossible to catch, chances are I won’t be looking for or accepting the easy way, but if I know, trust, and believe that there’s a way to have an overwhelming abundance of rabbits following everywhere I go, then at least I’ll be open for the opportunity should it present itself. I think it’s at least worth a shot.


P.S. For the past few months I’ve been practicing “attracting rabbits.” No, not real rabbits, but what the rabbits represent. All I can say is that it’s working way better than the fear and negativity I was wrestling with before.

Overcome Panic Attacks – Effective Ways to Cope

For many people there appears to be no solution for their panic attacks. Some try one therapy or the other and when it doesn’t produce the results they had expected, they just give up. Having ‘failed’ in finding relief for their condition, they often end up believing that something is seriously wrong with them. Afraid of the next attack they isolate themselves, rarely leaving their homes. As a result, they feel trapped in a world that is lonely and hopeless. If that is you, then stop! There is what is called self help for panic attacks. Here are some things you can do starting today:

Eliminate Stress and Begin Exercising

Start every day anew without anticipating or fearing a panic attack. Keep your daily chores light and easy. Examine your daily schedule and see what is causing you stress. When you can´t possibly finish everything you have scheduled in one day – no big deal. Simply reschedule some of the items on it for a later date. Don´t plan to meet with people who affect you adversely. It is not your job to please everyone; learn to say “no!”  Take some time each day to just relax. Only you know what relaxes you.

Exercising is a sort of self help for panic attacks that will relieve stress from your body. If you are afraid to go out of your home, buy an exercise DVD and use it as often as you can. Exercising regularly will, in time, produce a great calming effect and drive negative thoughts from your mind. As soon as you feel safe enough to venture outdoors, take short walks in the fresh air. If you feel safer doing so accompanied by a trusted friend or relative don’t hesitate to ask. It is a great way to gradually overcome your anxieties.

Change Your Diet

It is important to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet with lots of vegetables and fruits. Avoid sugar, caffeine and alcoholic beverages. Drink hot teas that are known for properties that will help you relax. A magnesium deficiency is known to cause anxiety, so you could try adding a magnesium supplement to your daily diet. A healthy diet that avoids foods which cause you to feel nervous and includes the necessary vitamin supplements is yet another form of self help for panic attacks.  

Have a Plan

Think about your panic attacks and determine how you will react the next time you feel one is coming on. The thing you need to keep foremost in your mind is to relax. Some people count or say the ABCs in order to take their mind off of what is happening in their body. If you begin to breathe shallowly or hyperventilate stop, and inhale deeply and exhale slowly. Continue this until the panic attack goes away. People who have a plan discover that their attacks do not last as long, and they become less frequent.

Face Your Fears

One of the greatest fears a panic attack sufferer has is that of having to face another attack. You must realize that there is nothing in the attack that has ever harmed you. If you are having panic attacks because of an accident or a frightening experience, try to avoid going past the place where it happened. Then look at it logically, and realize that everything that is going to happen concerning the situation has already happened, so why fear? You will do yourself a world of good by realizing that fearing the next attack is the worse thing you can do. Why? Because it is the very fear of next attack that brings about the attacks in the first place. Dare to face your fear of the next attack and resolve to never fear it again, and you will be well on your way to recovery. 

When you eliminate stress and begin exercising, change your diet, have a plan and face your fears you are taking charge by being proactive and thus providing yourself with the best self help for panic attacks that you can in order to prevent future attacks.  

Life Training and the Significance of Problem Solving

Life Training and the Significance of Problem Solving

As far as technology is concerned we live in an awesome age where everything is blindingly fast. If Sam Houston would have had our technology back then, help would have arrived in time for the Alamo. A few quick emails to patriots all across Texas, and Santa Anna would have never had a chance.  We have the ability to communicate instantaneously with millions of people all over the world at the same time. Countless billions has been invested on these modicums for our personal and along with the personal mission of these companies to improve our performance by utilizing these tools for our personal work.

But in reality there is a big difference between “making contact” and really communicating.

Isn’t there?  The word “communicating” carries with it an idea of actually making sense and being understood.

A brief exchange of words does not necessarily mean communicating.  Here’s what I mean.

Most people who had automobile accidents were asked to summarize exactly what happened on their insurance form.  A brief insight on what those forms contain.

• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. The guy was all over the road; I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

• I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

• The pedestrian had no idea of which way to go, so I ran over him.

• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front.

And here are some ads that failed to communicate well…

• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

• Dinner Special-Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

• We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires Dec. 31 or while supplies last.

• For sale at reduced prices-shirts for men with minor flaws.

Let’s discuss some basic “how to’s” of good communication.

Good communication begins when rapport is established.  Rapport is a mutual feeling of being in communication.  Have you heard the expression “we were on the same wave length?”  That was rapport.

Here are some basic elements in the process of good communication.

1. The speaker is like a radio transmitter.  She is sending out a message … it may be a verbal or non-verbal message.

2. The listener is like a radio receiver.  They are receiving the message.

3. The message is some sort of information. The goal of the communication is to deliver this message.

4. Then there are the distractions that can hinder communication.  Distractions can cause misinterpretations. They can cause parts of the message to not come through. Sometimes these distractions are our own preconceived notions or filters that make us have a faulty interpretation.  They act like static.  We do not have a clear signal when there are distractions.

5. And finally, there needs to be an acknowledgment that the message was heard and a replication or feedback of the message to make sure it was received properly.

A notable Mr. Fred Rogers thought he was about to achieve his big break when a major network asked to meet with him and discuss the possibility of syndicating his local children’s show. One of the network execs asked, “What kind of costume will you be wearing for the show?” Mr. Rogers told the man that he didn’t need a funny costume to communicate with children.

The executives disagreed, insisting that anyone hosting a children’s show must have a costume. So, the meeting ended, and the network decided to pass on the opportunity. Evidently, it was a huge mistake. PBS picked up the show and children’s television has never been the same.

He knew that it was not the elaborate costume that would communicate with the audience. It was him! Here is another “ebyism.”  People buy your music, not your words.” Although we need to pursue excellence we need to learn to speak as plainly and as eloquently as we can. We need to know that effective communication goes a lot deeper.

It is a given fact that 75% of the people who buy a big ticket item are buying it because they like or trust the salesperson. Simply put “I want you to communicate with them truthfully on a verbal level … and to communicate with them sincerely on a non-verbal level.”  They want to know what your heart has to say.

Always keep in mind when we speak from our hearts it will break through the “inert” lesion. It will augment our signal which will leave no room for misinterpretation. A step onwards progress through exceptional leadership training that these pioneers have undergone for their personal good. Now that is the very essence of effective communication!

5 Steps To Overcoming Emotional Eating

On Supersize vs Superskinny on Channel 4 this week, Louise realised that her main challenge was emotional or comfort eating – eating in an attempt to assuage her emotions. The problem is that eating doesn’t assuage emotions – or at least not for very long. We may get an initial euphoric surge as we tuck into that packet of biscuits or bar of chocolate; we often feel wonderfully rebellious and naughty initially – a kind of “stuff the world” response – but this is soon submerged by a far more negative emotion called guilt!

Once guilt kicks in we start to feel really bad about ourselves. “Why did I do that?” “I’m such an idiot!” “I’ve blown it again” are all responses I hear my clients say time and time again. We beat ourselves up for doing what we “shouldn’t” have done and so begins a vicious circle – negative emotion/comfort food/negative emotion/comfort food – and so on.

Comfort Food or Discomfort Food?

And there’s an interesting choice of words! We call chocolate, cakes, ice cream etc comfort food and yet it dosn’t comfort us at all. It stresses out our body by driving our sugar levels sky-high and plays havoc with our emotions – not very comforting at all really, is it!? So how can we truly comfort ourselves and avoid these discomfort foods!?

Thinking Thin’s 5 Steps To Overcoming Emotional Eating

Here are 5 steps that will help you manage your emotions and overcome emotional eating:-

1. When you are about to ‘comfort’ eat, take a moment to determine what the emotional trigger was. What was the feeling that made you want to ‘comfort’ eat. Was it boredom, frustration, anger, stress, sadness….? Quite often we have a common emotional trigger.

2. Take a moment to think about 3 ways you could deal with that emotion more productively. What actions could you take that you know would help you overcome that negative emotion far better than eating discomfort food! For example, if the emotion was sadness, you could maybe put on some uplifting music, watch some clips of your favourite comic on youtube or phone a friend who can always make you laugh no matter what! Come up with 3 strategies that will work really well for you and write them down somewhere to help commit them to memory.

3. Keep those alternative options in mind and the next time you feel that emotion coming on, remind yourself that you now have four options to choose from. Which one will it be?

4. Whatever you decide, 15 minutes after you’ve made your choice note down somewhere the choice you made and whether you feel:-

a) as bad if not worse than you did before

b) a bit better than you did before

c) loads better than you did before

5. Then the next time you feel that emotion returning, repeat the exercise. Over time, you’ll be able to make much more informed decisions whilst naturally adopting the strategies that work best for you

6 Tips To Overcome Endometriosis Weight Gain

Trying to overcome endometriosis without gaining weight can be hard as a number of the medications recommended for treating the condition have weight gain as one of the side effects of the medication. However, there are steps you can take to keep your figure as slim and shapely as possible.
Battle Weight Gain Caused by Endometriosis Medications
Many of the popular endometriosis medications have an unfortunate side effect – weight gain. For women, this is almost as bad as the painful symptoms the medicine is trying to treat. Here are some things you can do if your endometriosis medication seems to have you piling on the pounds.
• Increase Fiber Intake – Even if your medication is causing you to put on more pounds, you can counter this effectively by increasing your fiber intake. Foods rich in fiber are pretty hard for your stomach to digest. Because of this, eating these foods will make you feel fuller than usual -even if you’ve only consumed a small amount. They also improve the digestion process and can reduce the amount of estrogen in your system, so it has the added benefit of potentially reducing symptoms too.
• Exercise – One of the best ways to keep your weight down is by exercising more. But contrary to popular opinion, exercise doesn’t have to be boring or done alone. Choose an activity you enjoy… or enlist the help of an “exercise buddy” to keep you on track. When you get down to it, exercising is simply a means of moving your body and preventing it from getting weak. You can add more exercise to your life in simple ways – by walking to and from work instead of taking the car, taking the stairs, joining a dancing class or pursing a sport you enjoy.
• Less Stress and More Rest – Simple things like stress and rest have a profound effect on your weight. If you’re taking medication for endometriosis and it’s causing you to gain weight, the pounds you gain will increase even more if your stress levels are too high. Stress also encourages us to eat the wrong sort of convenience or comfort foods. So, try to maintain a restful and relaxed attitude then there’s a good possibility that you can smile your way into having a more healthy and sexy figure!
• Food Choices – Naturally, you can reduce the number of pounds you’re gaining because of your endometriosis medication by eating healthily. Eliminate fried foods and visits to fast food joints. From now on think before you eat and only chose healthy options: eat more fresh vegetables and less fatty, processed meat. Eat more fresh fruits and less sugar-rich foods. You might want to consult with a trained nutritionist to find out what would constitute a balanced diet for you.
• Take Herbal Remedies – There’s an herb for every ailment that affects mankind or in this case, womankind, and endometriosis is fortunately no exception. Just make sure that whatever herbal remedy you choose to help you lose weight while treating endometriosis at the same time is safe for your health. Talk with your doctor before you start taking anything new.
• Consider alternative treatments – Learn all you can about the alternative therapies out there. Acupuncture, aromatherapy and homeopathy offer some interesting options that are all natural, side effect free ways of managing endometriosis. Some women report a significant reduction in symptoms with these methods, so if you’re interested, discuss your thoughts with your doctor.
Sign up below for the free newsletter that has many more suggestions for natural endometriosis treatments that you can use alongside traditional forms of treatment.
If you are finding that you are still struggling with excess weight after you have been following a healthy diet and incorporated exercise into your life, then speak to your doctor to see what alternatives they suggest to overcome endometriosis without the weight gain.