Hypnotherapy for Abusive Relationships



 Dr. Trudie Bartholomew, Ph.D
CMA, B.Msc, M.Msc, Msc.D, C.Ht, D.D. (USA),D.Emed,D.EMed (Psych)
Doctor of Metaphysical Science (USA)
Doctor of Divinity : Pastoral Counselling Psychology (USA)
Certified Hypnotherapiist  (IMDHA – USA)

Ethnomedicine Practitioner
Ethnomedicine Practitioner (Psych)

Traditional Herbal Practitioner
Member of the Pastoral Psychology Institute (USA)

Committee Member -Accreditation Committee of EPASA – Ethnomedicine Practitioners Association of S.A.
President of the Free Templer Ministry (FTM)
Vice-President of the International Medical & Dental Hypnotherapy Association: South Africa Chapter



We may ask ourselves why some people are in abusive relationships, while others never seem to be abused, and can set their boundaries and seemingly be respected and appreciated by their spouse, employer, children and others?

When a person visits my consulting and their main problem is anxiety/depression caused by abusive relationships, I know that there was a problem at the time of the fetus in the mother’s womb. Usually I find that the father had an affair with another woman while the mother was pregnant with the child, now as an adult, suffering the result of the pregnant mother’s abuse.


While under Hypnosis, specifically in the Somnambulistic state, we take the patient back to childhood (age regression), and particularly to a period where the mother was approximately six months pregnant. If the patient is visual, they can not only see what the fingers, toes, etc look like inside the womb, but also what is happening outside. They can tell us what the mother is wearing, who are with her; describe the surroundings, emotions and circumstances. The fascinating part is that we can ask God/the Inner Wisdom/Subconscious Mind/Soul to show us a time (but only if it is the Honest Truth!), when the father was with another woman while the mother was pregnant. I would like to caution practitioners not to give the patient ideas or leading questions, but simply ask them to tell you what is happening.

It is important to understand that not all patients/clients are visual. Some are Auditory (taking information in by listening), Kinaesthetic (more the ‘feeling’ type of person, while others are Digital (or Auditory-Digital), the ones who have a lot of inner-talking, analyzing everything. They will of course not ‘see’ things, but may ‘feel’ or simply ‘know’.


Why does the father’s infidelity cause the pattern of abuse for the fetus in later life? The fetus sees or knows about the affair with the other woman, but can of course not tell the mother. The event is so emotional and traumatic, that it creates the ISE (Initial Sensitizing Event), which is usually not recallable by the conscious mind. Because the subconscious mind is the ‘goal achiever’, it will make sure that this goal is achieved, the goal being ‘Abuse’.


How is it possible that the fetus can see or know what the father did, as it is physically inside the mother’s womb?. We are a soul living in a physical body, but we also have other spiritual bodies, which are very much identical to the physical body, but made of a much lighter type of atom. Most human beings can use the Astral Body and the lower Mental Body, while some have the Higher Mental Body developed. Very few people have Spiritual Bodies finer and higher than the Higher Mental Body developed.

Thus part of the consciousness of the fetus can travel in the Astral or Mental body (the same thing sometimes happens when we dream), and observe what is going on outside the womb. All impressions and perceptions during the foetal stages are formed from events occurring in the direct environment around it.


During a typical consultation the patient will discuss his/her abusive relationships and the consequences on his/her emotions and physical health with me. During age regression, the client will usually have an abreaction (an outburst of emotion), and go directly to the latest event of physical/emotional/mental abuse. Although we have empathy, and let them experience this for a while, we do not do any therapy or counselling at this stage, as we know that this is not the ISE (initial event causing the problem). They may go further back in time where a similar emotion was experienced (usually related to abuse), until we reach the event which caused the abuse, usually in the womb, or infant stage.

It is not only women who are abused. Many men are abused by women, and continually choose the same type of person, until the cause of abuse is found and corrected. It must be emphasized that it does not simply help to take the person back in time and read a script or give suggestions. This is ‘band-aid’ hypnosis, and will not have a lasting effect.  They have to re-live the experience (sometimes 2-3 times during the same session), until it has no more emotional impact.


There is another fascinating part of age-regression which I discovered many years ago, and have been using very effectively for a long time. It is possible to take the client back in time, often with the suggestion of ‘lifting you on a cloud’, to go and see what happened in the abuser’s life (in this case the father – or even the mother of the fetus), that caused him to react in a certain way. We usually find that the father/mother went through a similar event as a fetus, infant or younger child. You may let the client ‘feel’ the parent’s emotion experienced during his childhood trauma. This is usually sufficient to allow the client to forgive the parent.


We usually take the person further back in time to the first time that he/she saw the parents long before conception while still in spirit form, and ask questions like ‘why did you choose to be their child?’, etc.


We then take them back to the time when the ‘contract’ was made with their parents for this life. The patient/client and parents (sometimes only one of the parents), often the grandparents and a spiritual figure, seen as Jesus, an Angel or a light are present during this written or verbal agreement. The person is usually permitted to see and understand why he chose to be their child, and what the lessons were to be learned, or things to overcome. Although not always permitted, we can understand our ‘purpose’ for this life, unless we are not ready for this knowledge.


Another reason why a person can be in abusive relationships, will be when the parents were physically/mentally abusive during the foetal or infant years. This creates a certain perception and programming, and once again the goal of the subconscious mind is abuse. So, do not assume that everybody who is in abusive relationships had parents who had affairs! There could also be a past-life event causing the problem.


It is most important to remember that you cannot let the patient leave your consulting room with this new knowledge without helping him to understand why it happened, facilitating the process until he can truly forgive all parties involved.


Once this is achieved, we will take the patient forward in childhood and adulthood, to go through abusive events, but now the impact of the past events are not nearly as emotional as experienced before eliminating the initial sensitizing event. These events are called SSE’s (Subsequent Sensitizing Events), and should no longer occur once the ISE (cause) is properly treated.


It is important to change the perception implanted in the mind of the fetus; we could call this re-programming, as the mind will always use the latest information first. Should you try and do re-programming and positive suggestions without eliminating the cause, it will only have a temporary effect, and soon the patient will fall back into old patterns.

The time spent to find the cause of the problem, re-living the experience, facilitating the forgiveness process, bringing a deeper understanding of the spiritual lessons involved, effect the necessary re-programming, assisting the client to channel the energy in more effective ways, is worth it! Never rush the session or stop in the middle of it.



There is a lot of help in the unseen world of love, truth and light. I often send up a prayer when I don’t know what to do next, and believe me, it does happen to everyone, even if we have been practicing for many years! God never fails us, and the prayer and request is usually answered, just by knowing where to take the patient next!




We may call it intuition?




Copyright © Dr. Trudie Bartholomew 2008